Tuesday, September 20, 2005
posted by callouschaos at 11:28 pm
i don't want to mislead him. but i think i already did. it's not complicated if i just tell it to his face that i'm not interested. but it will be too harsh, and i don't want to hurt him since he's so nice to me.
i don't want nice guys. because being with them makes me look like i'm the bad domineering one. nice guys will always try to make me feel nice, beautiful, content and happy, feelings i'm not quite accustomed to. i don't like those feelings. i want someone who can hurt me on a daily basis. that's why i am clinging like a leech to a cold-blooded troll. he upsets me everyday, but still.. sigh.
i always make wrong decisions. i'd rather let other people to decide for me, so if anything goes awry, i can blame them for it. irresponsible, but yeah, it makes me feel better if i screw up.
currently addicted to 'my baby takes the morning train' by sheena easton, and 'funeral of hearts' by HIM. i'm feeling so lovey dovey these days. it's not good. i don't like this.
and oh, rammstein. their amerika videoclip shows a very fuckable kruspe in a astronaut suit. till lindeman, the basket weaver looks alcoholic-happy but i wouldn't mind him in bed. though he looks gross. so gross. what is it with me and unfortunate looking guys
posted by callouschaos at 01:45 pm
Sunday, September 18, 2005
help, i'm possessed by a german basket weaver!
and now i can spew random blasphemous german sentences, urinate on the floor and bite people i dont like. and growl at certain times, and speak like a baby the next, like dani.
will be moving to blogspot. maybe. maybe not.
smashing pumpkins is making me all lovey dovey. not good.
taxi loves his mug. look at him, he looks so happy, right?
but then he lamented that this mug is too small for him to drown in. it's so hard taking care of an emo gloomy bear.
posted by callouschaos at 11:41 pm
Friday, September 16, 2005
posted by callouschaos at 03:16 pm
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
friendster is selling out. in less that an hour, i will get annoyed by 3857348 simultaneously run audio and videoclips, each time i click on one page. not to mention wrong scripts and clashing boxes looking so not right.
i'm glad i checked out their pages. i now realize she has chins as big and as protruding as a horse [and freak agrees with me yay!]. and i thought ashlee simpson and jay leno are motherfucking ugly twats, i was wrong. poor thing, that's why she layered those clashing cakey makeups on her acne ridden skin. i'm so happy that i actually felt sorry for that little kampung girl. aww.
i feel beautiful now.
bright colors are nice. i'm happy at the moment.
less than stellar news.
1. Eat less animal fat. Eat more oily fish and use extra virgin olive oil instead of standard cooking oils.
2. Top up your diet with an antioxidant supplement, including vitamins C, E, beta-carotene and the mineral selenium. Also eat plenty of antioxidant-rich fresh fruits and vegetables, especially onions, garlic, carrots, tomatoes, broccoli, cabbage and cauliflower.
3. Eat more fibre, especially oats, rye, millet, brown rice and beans. Fibre helps to move food through the gut and may reduce the re-absorption of oestrogen.
4. Limit alcohol - it can cause an increase in oestrogen levels.
5. Cut back on coffee, cola, chocolate and strong tea.
6. Increase your protein intake. Protein is needed to build and keep muscles tone and firm. Protein also provides much-needed Collagen. Three to four meals a day that consist of protein is recommend.
i will change this layout soon. i'll opt for a simpler one.
posted by callouschaos at 10:16 pm
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
7 Things That Scare Me
. death by asphyxiation, death by burning, death by a firing squad, death by electrocution, death by beheading, death by loss of blood
. things that are not certain
. the possibility of me diagnozed with schizophrenia or any other mental disorders
. having no money and no water
. hot weather and getting myself sunburned
. losing my mind and actually killing someone. nah, i doubt that.
. i'm scared of being possessed and urinating on the floor. speaking in tongues is ok.
7 Things I Like The Most
. money
. power and influence
. bright and cute well-behaved toddlers
. great food
. nice and pleasant weather
. reading a nice book on a nice evening with a jug of fresh fruit juices and minding my little kids playing around in the yard.
. imagining myself being tortured and surviving it.
7 Important Things In My Room
. my bed for me to rolled about
. my cellphone, snoozer
. my computer, plugin baby
. my story books
. taxi and skye.
. mein mirror
. pens and papers
7 Random Facts About Me
. i'm extremely touchy and snaps easily.
. i like to nitpick.
. i ask a lot of inane questions
. i like reading and watching about how people die.
. i am strongly attracted to guys who uses and abuses me.
. i like pain in small doses.
. i always wondered how it would feel if i'm possessed.
7 Things I Plan To Do Before I Die
. travel the world, experience all the cultures and take pictures of beautiful buildings.
. accumulate wealth enough to let my descendants be skanky like the hiltons
. give birth to a pair of twin baby boys.
. torture someone. and not kill him. and getting away with it.
. smile a happy smile.
. have a happy family. with a rich, honest, loyal, and immune to my moodswings husband and 3 well behaved little kids.
. to be enlightened.
7 Things I Can Do
. be nice to those who are nice to me.
. i can drink lots of water in a day
. i give great blowjobs.
. i love folding paper swans. as small as i can.
. remember trivia details of trivial things.
. satisfy people sexually. i should get a job as a whore, eh? but no, sadly, i have this nagging conscience stopping me from doing anything slightly immoral
. read for days and days and just laze around enjoy the weather and read.
7 Things I Can’t Do
. i can't fucking fly or teleport
. i can't give myself a blowjob
. i can't lie as well as you people.
. i can't eat a lot
. i can't swim
. i can't do something without getting easily distracted
. i can't cook or do any household chores.
7 Things I Say The Most
. nyuuuu
. really?
. ipipipppppiii..mumuu, gegege, and anything sickeningly annoying.
. i'm nooot cuteeee
. go away.
. no.
. i forgot
7 Celeb Crushes
. johnny depp
. cillian murphy
. keanu reaves [i would like to see that dead pan face whipping and spanking me]
. richard z kruspe-bernstein
. alexi laiho
. ville vallo
. tim armstrong and billy joe armstrong[both are not related to each other]
posted by callouschaos at 08:00 pm
Monday, September 12, 2005
one weekend, and i'm all fat again.
i drank all three. seriously. at three different eateries
i drank...i forgot wht i drank
i drank apple juice here.
i already got embarrassed by almost slipping down and falling on my face yesterday. almost. now i have no dignity. no dignity at all. and i'm never going to sushi king ever again. ever.
posted by callouschaos at 01:13 am
Saturday, September 10, 2005
because my period stopped today.
i tried writing 100 things that people don't know about me, as an all out confession thingy for my 20th birthday. but i couldn't do it. up to number 4 then i'm lost for words.
this is what i did instead. for guys, signs that you look out for when a girl is all pms-sy.
*she'll be like the most unreasonable person ever. and if you ask why, her venomous tirade will start all over again.
*she snaps and cries easily at every single thing you say or do.
*she feels insecure and unloved for no reason. lots of manja-ing are needed to convince her otherwise.
*food cravings. she may eat a lot of chocolate on daily basis but it's triple that amount when she's having her pms. or, she'll eat food she doesn't normally eat.
*she 'll have a bit of tummy because of all the water retention thingy.again, don't ask, don't even mention it to her if you value your life.
*she tells you that her breasts feels tender and looks bigger. whatever you do, don't squeeze. or she'll get to number 1 and 2 then number 3 again.
boys boys boys, i don't see any of the items in my wishlist arriving by the courier.
come one, you got about 3 hours, bitches!
posted by callouschaos at 09:52 pm
Friday, September 09, 2005
memories i wish i could have
from a father's view
he's so lucky to have a bright child like zaim. i wish i can steal him and eat his brain matter with a spoon.
oh well. charlie and the chocolate factory today. finally. after the whole fucking world have seen it.
poor little willy had a rough childhood. parent like his should be skinned and flayed alive. there's no reason denying a kid candies and chocolates.
i need xanax. i need it bad.
oh, and i would love it if sabah and sarawak gain independence from malaya. of all the greedy fucktard colonizers in this world, we settled for the lazy ignorant pigple. no thanks, i prefer to be under 'others'.
believe me, each and everyone born and raised in both states wished the same. if only we had a badass leader like lee kuan yew during those hard times. if only we had our own uptight anarchy like brunei, if only the brits would take us then. if only. we won't be this way. we won't have to bear with that taib mahmud with his stupid bar, and his ugly wife for another 3928468257 years.
look at our timber, we had a country size of them, look at our tourism, we have lush forest and still hv lots to spare for a couple of little malaccan size city in it. look at our oil, ooh we have lots. look at our liquid natural gas thingy, we had so much of them that the smds exploded in my little hometown and everyone forgets it after a few days. help? what help? even if the whole town is liquidated no one will care. look at where all the profit goes. nowhere near our pockets, that's for sure.
oh queen, i don't care if blind charles get to be king. i just want to be fucking colonized. you know, like in the old times, where you taught us everything, and yet did we lose our culture and tradition? no. so comehere and get all your sas, and whatever it is you have there, invade us. will be more grateful than the iraqis.
and i need xanax.
posted by callouschaos at 01:26 pm
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
second part of my wishlist.
i know i'm a jealous, bitter person. i just didn't know how much, so i took a test here and i get this, You are 49.21% jealous! For this test, the average jealousy percentage is 35.54%. well, i was hoping for more than 60%...oh well.
and oh, i added some more items to my wish list.
i want sponsorship for my plastic surgery,
this is just an estimate i got from a nip/tuck game, so it might cost more or less than this. i want to get liposuction but they don't have the option so i took tummy tuck instead. i hope my tummy won't look like tara reid's. the horror.
i also want a private english tutor. just someone with dani filth's qualification, cillian murphy's face, richard z kruspe body, and alexis arquettes cock.
i also want world peace.
oooh, i'm also considering having sessions with a professional psychiatrist. i think i have depression and mild schizophrenia. i don't exactly hear voices but i talk to myself ever since i can remember. and i dont like to talk crap to other people, i prefer talking to myself. alone. my fascination seeing ppl die in a gruesome manner scares me. maybe it's a healthy obsession, or maybe it's one step to becoming a psychopath.i've always imagined killing people, i don't know how long my conscience can stop me from eventually killing them. so i seriously need medication. no, this is not an excuse to get me some pills.
i'm overdosing on one particular song from the cranberries. i'm so pathetic, i probably should pray to god. i feel so stupid thinking of it. you know i'm such a fool for you.
posted by callouschaos at 12:11 pm
